tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1606677092886863065.post4579008752549653213..comments2024-01-07T00:38:46.567-08:00Comments on Advice for Writers: New English Translation of Rilke’s “Archaic Torso of Apollo”—Learning from Rilke, Part 2Zack Rogowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16456441036173605376noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1606677092886863065.post-47421694463671532342018-06-07T11:53:59.733-07:002018-06-07T11:53:59.733-07:00Thanks for the post. There's some things in yo...Thanks for the post. There's some things in your framing of the poem and your translation that I'd like to discuss.<br /><br />It's interesting to frame Rilke's delving into the poem as his combining Apollonian and Dionysian elements. Brining up the 'archaic smile' seems at first relevant too--but I wonder whether these elements truly factor into the poem? In the original German, there isn't exactly a dance between logic and frivolity. The diction doesn't suggest that. It suggests that the narrator 'sieht ein', that he 'looks into' the thing of observation. That's consistent with Rilke's tendency to write 'Dinggedichte', or 'thing-poems'. They would meditate on a specific object to understand its thingness or whatness, somewhat in line with Heidegger's thinking on being and whatness. So in that sense, I would say that Rilke relies more on his own mental-creative architecture (and to an extent Rodin and Cezanne's) to create this poem.<br /><br />This poem is indeed a sonnet, but not exactly a pure Petrarchan. The original uses: abba cddc eef gfg. The 'eef' is most curious, as I've seldom seen that specific arrangement. Its weirdness also highlights that stanza, the first in which the statue becomes savage and gains its animalistic qualities, the 'Raubtierfelle'.<br /><br />Specific to your translation's diction, a few seem out of place. 'but that torso is a lamp' is not totally correct, because the original uses a simile instead of a metaphor, and that simile established an important distance between the narrator and the object and a mysteriousness about the animateness of the torso. The 'arc' of the breast is actually 'der Bug' in the German, which is the bow of a ship, aircraft, or in roofing. This diction implies that the torso itself is a kind of vessel. 'Dazzle' I bet may have been influenced by the Mitchell translation--the original German is 'sich blenden', a reflexive verb meaning 'to blind'. There's a sense of overwhelming in 'sich blenden' that can combine with physical blinding. And yes, dazzles captures some of that, but also has a connotation of vacant flashiness. Hence, I disagree with translating 'sich blenden' so. 'Twist' is kind of faithful to 'Drehen' but also lacks the physical momentum of the German. 'Where the virile parts nest' is a little wonky. With the phrase being 'die die Zeugung trug', it literally translates to 'which held procreation'. 'Knife / like a star' is a strange personification and verb to ascribe to a star. And finally 'You've got to change your life' does not have the same gravity as the conventional translation 'You must change your life'. It also sounds too much like copy from a 12-step program brochure.<br /><br />And I don't think the end portends a sunny destiny: I think the monstrosity revealed by looking deep into the heart of the torso is startling and troubling. The narrator is incensed by that--rather than some smile--to change his life.lgrashahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16505163281922793796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1606677092886863065.post-4268904266161486252017-06-28T04:14:32.094-07:002017-06-28T04:14:32.094-07:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08073306730558808769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1606677092886863065.post-50355230419251324272014-12-14T08:37:59.149-08:002014-12-14T08:37:59.149-08:00Thanks so much for that comment, Victor. Much appr...Thanks so much for that comment, Victor. Much appreciated! ZackZack Rogowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16456441036173605376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1606677092886863065.post-48183804914182601422014-12-14T08:11:30.310-08:002014-12-14T08:11:30.310-08:00thank you so much for this translation.after years...thank you so much for this translation.after years of trying to elucidate<br /><br />the meanin of this sonnet you have opened my mind.victorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04094284994204012860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1606677092886863065.post-71538136607572676852014-07-14T02:01:54.038-07:002014-07-14T02:01:54.038-07:00The statue in the photo is the one that is thought...The statue in the photo is the one that is thought to have inspired Rilke's poem, "Archaic Torso of Apollo." I don't believe the name of the sculptor is known, since the sculpture is from ancient Greece and dates from the 5th century B.C.E.Zack Rogowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16456441036173605376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1606677092886863065.post-57127819552487455682014-07-13T05:30:45.769-07:002014-07-13T05:30:45.769-07:00If possible, would you please tell me who sculpted...If possible, would you please tell me who sculpted the statue you pictured to illustrate<br />the poem? Do you think this was the statue Rilke had in mind? Of course, in a way,<br />it doesn't matter. But I would like to know as I love Rilke and I love sculpture.<br />Thanks for considering this.pjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00428113276073011988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1606677092886863065.post-72679008727717037082013-01-24T14:23:43.016-08:002013-01-24T14:23:43.016-08:00Thanks for your comment. I have to say my translat...Thanks for your comment. I have to say my translation is not as close to the German as I might like. With translations, you always have to triangulate: look at one that is close to the original in meaning, another that is close in spirit, and another that is close in form. Other translations of this poem I'd recommend: Stephen Mitchell's and Galway Kinnell's.Zack Rogowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16456441036173605376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1606677092886863065.post-51201521623945851992013-01-24T12:29:14.641-08:002013-01-24T12:29:14.641-08:00I have been looking for a good English translation...I have been looking for a good English translation in vain. Thanks for finally delivering one! Thumbs up! The explication is equally valuable. Greetings from HungaryBalthushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07112032023037136285noreply@blogger.com